Slow Train To Wello
Now Playing: Inbetweener - Sleeper
Topic: Travel

My time in Auckland culminated in a half hour hike up Mount Eden (almost scuppered by a deluge of rain in the morning), the highest point in the City, and also a one time ferocious steaming volcano. Unlike the volcanoes you get in the movies (all craggy and molten), this one was more akin to a golf bunker with its fine and green lawns. Still, it would'v been a bugger to swing your golf ball out again.

Spent Sunday on a train bound for Wellington. The Overlander is a twelve hour journey travelling through rolling hills, mountainous ranges, and lush greenland. And the whole time, all I could think about was "oh sh**, I've gone and left my book back in Auckland".

To make matters worse, it was a damn good book, and I was only half way through reading it, and I was just getting to the really good bits. Plus, it was written by Louise Wener (The Secret Life of Stars), the ex-lead singer of '90s Britpop band Sleeper, and so the chances of me actually being able to track down another copy on my travels out here, are practically null.

Auckland Photos
Topic: Travel
Photos from the Auckland leg are online now at the predictably titled Auckland Photos.

Hi, I'm in Waiheke and I can't move for this sunshine, rolling hills, sandy beaches, awesome views.....
Now Playing: Nothing by Puppy Killer (see the gig review at the end)
And so I leave behind the bustling cosmopolitan streets of Auckland for the day, and set sail for the serene and peaceful setting of Waiheke Island, a mere 35 minute boat trip away from Auckland wharf.

I thought it wise that I join a tour group for this, and I even made some notes, so excuse me while I plagerise the tour guide's spiel, but here we go:

Waiheke is Maori for Cascading Water. The Island has a population of 8,000 permanent inhabitants, but in summer this can rise to a massive 30,000. 1,000 people from Auckland, commute to Waiheke daily, on the hourly ferry service. Waiheke's main industry is wine, and the island amasses a total of 40 vineyards, of which a bottle of wine has been known to have fetched $1,000,000 at auction. Other industries include olive groves, and the cultivating of Macademia Nuts.

Housing on Waiheke is expensive, and I mean, very. A small holiday apartment will set you back $0.25 million. You can get a three bedroom house for $2.7 million, or a four bedroom for $4 million. Or, if you're feeling really flush, the most expensive house on the island is $26 million, but then, it is the size of a hotel. So, it's no wonder that a large number of Waiheke's inhabitants are either artists, novelists, musicians, or work in the media industry.

However, to get around such hefty house prices, a number of inhabitants have their houses built on the mainland, and shipped over.

Waiheke has no water system. Water is collected from roofs, and stored in tanks. If a household were to run out of water in summer, they would need to order water in. A delivery would cost around $500. Similarly, there is no sewerage system, instead the Waiheke people use septic tanks.

Power to the island is provided by a large under water cable, fed from the mainland.

Entertainment in Waiheke is provided by a large drive-in cinema, 3 storey's high.

You got all that? phew.

Anyway, the tour guide deposited those who wished to stay further, in the island's main town, Oneroa. And, may I be first to recommend getting dinner at the Island Queen Cafe and Restaurant, which serves, wait for it.... Lamb Casserole.

I said Lamb Casserole!!!!

That's Lamb flamin' Casserole, on a bed of mash. Shame I couldn't finish it all, as the portion was huge, and I'd only had breakfast a few hours ago, but its situated at 124 Ocean View Rd, Oneroa.

Anyway, the weather was gorgeuous, the beaches were superb, and the views were awesome (damnit, used that word again). After a stroll along the beach and through the rolling hills, it was soon time to return to the mainland, and to check-out up and coming local band, the charmlingly titled Puppy Killer, who were playing a free gig in Auckland's hippest music store, Groovy Records, where Auckland's entire rock fraternity had appeared to have turned out en mass, to witness the city's favorite'd sons as they strive to break into the big time. And on this evidence, I doubt they have a hope in hell.

From the outset, the band look like they want to be Green Day, and the second guitarist/vocalist looks like he wishes he had been in EMF, then they appear to be trying to rip off half a dozen Ska bands. There are one or two flashes where you think they're actually going to start being good, but they quickly revert to type. It's pretty mundane stuff, to be honest, so don't expect to be hearing much of Puppy Killer back home.

Which probably means they'll be huge within six months...

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I neglected to mention that I'd found a greasy spoon that does all day breakfast, and Internet access for only a doller an hour (the cheapest in Auckland). So expect much clooging of arteries, oh yes...

Yogurt
Topic: Travel
I still can't get my head round this. The strong pound means that most food in New Zealand is relatively cheap. You can purchase a portion of chicken and noodle soup with seaweed side salad (mmmm, salty) from the vatious Asian cusine food halls, for around $8, which roughly equates to 3 quid. So, while browsing the mini market shelves today, I thought I'd treat myself to a four pack of yogurt. Rather odd I thought that a large number of four packs had been split up into separates, but at $1.29 you can't go wrong. So imagine my surprise when the cashier scanned the yogurt's barcode not once, not twice, not even three times, but a total of four times over; making a grand total of $5.18 for four yogurts. That's over 2 quid! And we're not talking about your top end of the market yogurt such as your muller lites or your fruit corners, no, this is more your Tesco home brand yogurt, which shouldn't come to more than 80 or 90p, even if you are shopping at the Tesco Metro, with its higher than normal pricing policy. Anyway, all I could think about, as I handed over my $5.18 was my God, these yogurts had better be good.

Anyway, the good news is I have done slightly more than just muse about yogurt, as I discovered somewhere that serves up meals of roast chicken. Woohoo!

But still no lamb, although I did see somewhere that was serving lamb shank at $30 a pop. Must've come from the same place that did the yogurt.

Anyway, got my cultural fill of the holiday, by visiting the Auckland Museum, where we were treated to some traditional Maori tribal dances.

Also checked out Auckland Zoo, and Western Spring Park next door, both of which are absolutely huge and, erm, awesome (damnit, there's that word again) but as they are best served from a visual viewpoint, I'll let the photos do the talking just as soon as they're uploaded. Although, while in the zoo I did feel I should've brought a toddler along, as the place was awash with young mothers and fathers with their various offspring.

Went up the Sky Tower, and laughed at the fools who had paid good money to Base Jump off the top. The Sky Tower lies atop Sky City, which is basically a huge casino, notable for its Grab A Grand element, last seen on Noel's House Party in the early '90s, whereby one lucky punter is given the chance to Grab A Grand from the wind filled tank if their ticket is pulled from the tombolar.

Oh yeah, the yogurt? Wasn't very nice.

Notes On LA..........
Things I failed to mention earlier

*Surprise, surprise, The Church of Scientology is rife in LA (think Tom Cruise and his loony birth with Katie Holmes, or Richard Gere and erm, hamsters) and they're not too fussy in who they recruit. On my person I still have three admit one cards to The L Ron Hubbard Life Exhibition on 6331 Hollywood Boulevard, which I may just decide to distribute randomly around New Zealand, in various phone booths, etc.

*Brazilian guy called Fabio who was staying in our dorm room, used to play regularly with world footballer of the year Ronaldinhio at the tender age of 11. Apparently he wasn't much cop back then, and was always last to be picked when they were choosing teams.

*Taxes suck in LA. You think you're getting a good deal until they add the tax on to everything, and then if you're eating out you're expected to tip 15%, so costs soon add up.

*The gorgeous Smokin' Mary Jane from the USA Hostels Hollywood Comedy night has her own website at www.smokingmaryjane.net, but some areas of the site are a bit rude, so go carefully kids.

- Hey people, let us know you're reading this stuff. Post me a message by clicking on Post Your Comments after any entry. Let us know what's happening back in Blighty. Cheers.

Hello, I'm in Auckland and I can't move for all this damn Sushi...
Urban legend has it that for every New Zealander, there are four sheep. I have been in Auckland for two days now and have seen zero sheep, and a hell of alot of Noodle Bars. Somewhat surprisingly, Auckland appears to have an incredibly large number of immigrants from China and Japan (something you never got from watching Kiwi soap Shortland St), resulting in countless Japanese and Chinese eateries. So far in Auckland, I have consumed three meals consisting of either curry or noodle based food stuffs. To be honest, I'm a bit sick of it already. I pine for some authentic Kiwi cuisine, i.e. lamb. But alas, so far I have struggled to find it, the only other alternative being McDonalds, Burger King, or variations therein. Admittedly, McDonalds has so far served me the past two mornings for breakfast, where I have dined on Hot Cakes (for Hot Cakes, read Pancakes, something I appear to have become addicted to, after having them every morning for breakfast in LA).

Anyway, I am currently residing in Auckland Central Backpackers, comprising of ten floors of dormitary rooms, it's own Internet Cafe, kitchen, laundrette (which I must make use of very soon, or risk having to double up on underwear), and it's own bar. Size wise, it's a hell of a lot bigger than USA Hostel Hollywood, and therefore loses out in the same feeling of intimacy.

The hostel is just off Queen St, which is the main street in Auckland, and round the corner is the Sky Tower (bigger than the Eiffel), which you can climb to the top kitted out in hard hat and climbing gear, and then base jump off the summit for a small fortune, which fortunately my insurance does not quite run too, so the chances of me carrying out such a fete are practically null.

Further down the road is the Britomart, comprising of the bus and train station, and then the wharf, where you can catch a ferry to Waheke islands nearby.

Checked out Kelly Taritons Underwater World yesterday which has countless stingray, which you can get in the tank with, again for a small fortune. And they have penguins, which is always good to see.

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Up at 6.45am this morning to catch Vilareal v Arsenal in the Champions League semi-final second leg. The boys played like tosh, but kept a clean sheet thanks to Jen Lehmann's penalty save in the last few minutes, so we go through with the single goal from the first leg. WE'RE IN THE FINAL!!!!!

Sweet Dreams My LAX.................
Topic: Travel

Ameoba Music is without doubt the largest record store you are likely to find, in the world, anywhere. Fact! Even bigger than the Virgin Megastore on Hollywood, which is hey, pretty damn bug. And if I were so inclined, it would probably be the main over-riding reason that I would end up moving to LA for. So huge, and impressive (steady), that it just begged to have a photo taken of its interiors.

Anyway, that's it. LA done and dusted. I may have failed to have visited the Hollywood sign, the beach, the Jewish quarter, and Universal Studios, but I s'pose there's always next time. If my connection on the way back to New York gets cancelled, I could always hang out in LA some more.

Special mention should go to the staff of USA Hostels Hollywood, as without them it wouldn't have been half as much fun. Okay, the shower sucked, and I've had enough pancakes for breakfast to last me a lifetime, but you can't have everything.

Next stop, Auckland..............

LA Photos
Photos from LA are now online and can be viewed at LA Photo Story

Down and Out in Beverley Hills
Now Playing: City of Angels - The Distillers
Topic: Travel
Friday's main destination was a tour round the houses of the rich and famous, in Bel Air and Beverley Hills.

The first thing we noticed when we piled off the bus at the foot of Bel Air, was the stretches of the greenest grass you are ever likely to see, especially if you live in another part of LA. In Hollywood, there is no grass.

Unfortunately, we were unable to get within spitting distance of the majority of the mansions, due to their preference of having incredibly large walls and huge gates. We were however lucky enough to get sight of one of Huw Hefner's "girl-friends" speeding out of the Playboy mansion in a red ferrari. And, boy, she crunched those gears like a pro. We also chatted to one of Huw's security guards via a speaker grill set in a boulder by the gate. Actually, there was some suspicion that he might actually be living in the boulder.


I decided to keep photos of what we could see of the various mansions, to a minimum, as the chances of actually remembering who owed which house, was more or less null. I did snap George Harrison's house, and Walter Matthius
(pictured), basically because they were so different from the rest. George's was very Eastern style and hippy-esque, and to be honest I don't know what the hell was going on with Matthius's.

Our tour guide Jimmy, warned us that on a previous tour, Elton John had stormed out of his mansion, giving blue murder to the tour party for taking photos, until David Furnace dragged him away, and mopped his troubled brow. So, it was no surprise that any of us were less than enthusiastic to take any photos.

Saw the gates leading up to Danny Devito's house. Jimmy informed us that they used to leave the gates open, until a guy on a previous tour thought it would be hilarious to try and open a Fed-Ex package that had been dropped off for him. So it came as no real surprise that Devito clan now favour keeping their gate shut.

However, the biggest highlight came at the end of the tour, where we were given the opportunity to take a pee in George Michael's favourite restroom. You know what I'm talking about!

Ate in a Mexican fast food place serving giant Berrito's, and saw some unknown actor guy who was doing the whole "Look at me, I'm an actor, cos I've got shades and I'm wearing a suit jacket and a shirt, and I'm constantly checking myself" spiel.

Hung out in the lounge in the evening, where Jimmy (again) almost killed me by pouring measures of Rum and Coke which were nine parts rum and one part coke. Met a loud of South American girls, though nuff respect to the blond Aussie girl, who had such a mouth on her, but God, she was so adorable that you could just put her in your pocket and take her home.

Partied round a bar just off Hollywood, and a club nearby, until things became very sketchy, and I thought it best that I retire to my bed before I pass out.

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Woke to discover we'd only drew 1-1 with Spurs. Bastards!

Here's One I Made Earlier
Topic: Travel
Well, that was slightly disappointing. Apparently Noel's far too busy to work on the US edition of Deal or No Deal. So instead they've ropped in the Hood-like character of Howie Mandelson, the direct opposite of our Noel, totally lacking in any facial hair, apart from a wispy goatee adorning his lower lip. Instead of boxes, we have cases, and instead of members of the public, each case is controlled by one of 26 glamourous models.

Our contestant today is housewife Shirley, who claims to be clairvoyant, but not so much that she gets anywhere near the top prize of $1,000,000. Instead she does walk home with the bankers offer of $98,000. Not a bad amount by any means. Along the way, Shirley managed to break the bankers phone, causing a hasty halt in proceeding, while model 11 knocks her case from its stand. It goes out on May 10th on NBC, so go watch it people, if you can.

The afternoon was spent playing spot the celeb in the Grove shopping centre, where the rich and famous go to shop. Believe you me, not even I thought we could beat yesterday's spotting of that bloke who apparently hosted Survivor, but beat it we did!. As we saw (and stalked) none other than Children's BBC favourites, and ex-Blue Peter presenters, Richard Bacon and Konni Huq!

We decided against approaching them, which is probably just as well, as all I could think of saying would've been along the lines of "Hi Konni, I really love your work, and Richard, I really loved it when you got fired from Blue Peter for snorting cocaine." Probably, just as well...


Anyway, on the way back we stumbled upon a premier at the American Cinematheque (pictured), where no one there seemed to know what the film was, or who it was they were waiting for. Although, some randon girl-midget did stumble down the red carpet at some point.
Went drinking in the evening, or would have, had I brought some ID, so couldn't get any alcohol in the first place we went to (must've been my boysih good looks), but the bartender did shout me a free OJ, something you wouldn't get anywhere in Britain.

Ended up drinking a two-pint glass of stout in the next bar, and then decided it might be better if I called it a night and stumbled home. The others got stiched up like kippers, by paying $20 to get into a strip joint which served no alcohol, and then got kicked out again after a 5 minute dance. One born every minute.