Arsenal v Wigan - Some Explanation
Topic: Football
Ahh yes. I feel a little explanation may be in order. What follows is what could be described as a 'failed' attempt to provide a live match commentary service of the games between Arsenal and Wigan, in the Carling Cup Second Leg.

Normally, we wouldn't be particularly bothered about such a 'lowly' competition, but as things haven't exactly been going to plan this season (we're currently placed fifth in the Premiership, behind Spurs), the league cup has suddenly gone up in our estimation.

So of course, we go and bloody lose it, in the dying minutes of extra time, thanks to the away goals rule (mugged would be appropriate. This is despite some mouthy tosser sat behind me, insisting that "away goals don't count in extra time".

To add insult to injury, Arsenal tube station was also shut, which meant I had to bomb it to Highbury and Islington, and then negotiate my way across London to 'our kids' in Queen's Park.

As you'll see, my attempts to rival the BBC Football website ended in tears, as at no point did I manage to report on anything actually happening in the match itself.

As is the nature of the blog, to actually make any sense of what's going on (if thaet's possible), posts of the match have to be read in reverse order, therefore starting from the bottom up.

Arsenal v Wigan - The End
Topic: Football

Seconds before the cruelest of blows....

Arsenal v Wigan - The Verdict
Topic: Football
F**king mickey mouse cup.

And just to add insult to injury.

THE BLOODY TUBE'S SHUT!

Arsenal v Wigan 5
Topic: Football
Extra time. Superb. I may not get home tonight

Arsenal v Wigan 4
Topic: Football

Look al that. They're all running in straight lines,up down the pitch. How terribly exciting. If we're lucky, we might yet see them kick a ball!

Arsenal v Wigan 3
Topic: Football
I think my nads are about to drop off. I might need that stretcher myself at this rate.

Arsenal v Wigan 2
Topic: Football
Nope, still nothing happening, but i did just see them carry the stretcher round the side of the pitch, which is ooo, very exciting. Don't forget to keep refreshing for updates!

Arsenal v Wigan
Topic: Football

Latest ball by ball action live from Highbury.

Yes i can confirm it's f**king freezing.

Hatherley, NO!
Topic: Pop
Ash guitarist Charlotte Hatherley has left the band after 9 years. This is terrible news as she was my main reason for liking Ash.

Still, Charlotte and the boys have been through alot of the years. Not to mention a near fatal crash in Northern France, that saw their coach plummet off a cliff. Surprisingly they were still fit enough to appear at that years Reading Festival despite the various bandages, neck braces, crutches and wheel chairs. It was almost like being at a Rolling Stones concert.

Fortunately Charlotte won't be quiting the industry completely, as she'll be concentrating on material for her second solo album. I saw her band play the Fleece last August. The gig was mainly memorable for the drummer Stuffy jumping off the stage and colliding with one of the pillars aligning the room, thus twisting his ankle in the process.

Charlotte is currently dating Ed Wright, the director of Spaced. Ed looks a bit like Simon Shaw.

The Crush
Topic: levers
The Crush Calculator is a device that can create hours of fun, as the unsuspecting recipient is given is sent an email from a 'friend', encouraging them to follow the enclosed web link to a page where they're invited to enter the names of three people they have a crush on, the aim being to calculate how compatible a love-interest they may be.

Instead of doing this, the submitted answers are in fact redirected to the person or persons who originally sent them the link. AKA Me.

And so it can with some shock to discover that Paul Wright admitted he had a crush on none other than his cohabiting girl friend (wait for it) Vicky Watson!

And that Jenny Allen had a crush on her boyfriend of almost 10 years, Simon Shaw!!!!!

Most disturbing of all was the news that Simon Shaw apparently had a crush on me!

Even more bizarre was the news that George Best had a crush on Guinness. Especially, as he's been dead for some months!

Still, if I find that Lord Lucan replies saying he has a crush on Shergar, I really will be spooked.

Of course, the person who originally sent me the crush calculator link and now has full details of who I have a crush on, may suddenly find themselves buried in a shallow grave in the Forest of Dean should they feel fit to reveal the answers to anyone...